Erasure Song Parodies

These are Erasure song parodies that I wrote some years ago. Why are they all food related? Just my limited imagination, I guess. I tried to follow the meter (is that the right word?) of the original songs as closely as possible.

Cook For Me  (a parody of "Stay with Me")

Pull foil and heat
My favourite meat
If still frozen then repeat, set on "high"

Pudding and cakes
Chocolate milkshakes
Wish the microwave would cook faster, so slow

Fill plate
Swallow, don't chew
Can't wait
Cook for me
Digestive tract is all in motion
More for me
At least enough to fill an ocean
Belt will not reach
(Just one more peach)
Sure I have a little room for a banquet, maybe two

Shirt tears
Buttons fly free
More pies
Cook for me
Digestive tract is all in motion
More for me
At least enough to fill an ocean
Lots for me
The smell of food just draws my nose in
All for me
Don't really care if fresh or frozen

Woe is me
My doctor warns me of explosion
Can't fit through doors, must bathe in ocean
Shoes too small
Can't even fit my little toes in
When I fall
The earthquakes cause mass soil erosion
Look at me
I try to swim, displace the ocean
When I walk
I can reverse the planet's motion

His Etiquette Is Killing Me  (a parody of "Don't Say Your Love Is Killing Me")

I'm dressed in clothes
And I've money here to pay
Now give me the menu of specials for today
I'm here alone
To eat all that I can
But then I hear him, a rude, obnoxious man

I try to ignore him, but he is talking loudly
(He's talking loudly)
His laugh is annoying
I see there'll be no peace
Tonight there'll be no peace

His etiquette is killing me
He spills his drink and slaps his knee
I look around, and try to flee
But every table's full, I see
I didn't want to know
What he's chewing in his mouth
And when he catches my glance
He winks as if he knows me

I thought I could come here, enjoy
A nice, quiet dinner
(Nice, quiet dinner)
Now I hear a clatter
He's piled some forks up high
And they came crashing downward

He knocks his plate onto the floor
Then has the nerve to ask for more
He tries some sort of balance act
His tips too far, his chair falls back

His laughter sounds like he's insane
His voice is pounding in my brain
If this nice restaurant were mine
I'd fill his glass with poisoned wine

His shirt is covered with his food
He sees me stare and calls me rude
He lights cigars that smell like trash
And stains the carpet with his ash

He gets his check and whines in rage
He should be locked up in a cage
He leaves no tip, just grabs his hat
And did I mention that he's fat?

He starts to go and there's a sound
Of glass things crashing to the ground
He had the table cloth tucked in
He shrugs, and wears a stupid grin

He should be simply put to sleep
I drop my head and start to weep
My food is cold but I don't care
This all is just too much to cope with

Vegetable Fun  (a parody of "Run to the Sun")

I pick up my fork and knife
My napkin's in the way
I won't be needing to stay clean today

It's not that I'm a slob
Well, actually I am
I just can't help myself when I see vege-ta-bles

And I know it ain't normal
I know it ain't normal
I know it ain't normal
The way I eat
But peas, carrots, squash
Cucumbers and corn
Are the things I am after
They take just minutes to warm, woah
I don't need any meat
To make my meal complete
You see, the four food groups are just delusion

Alfalfa sprouts and corn
Did I already mention corn?
If so, That's fine, 'cause it's worth saying twice

It may not be healthy (don't laugh, it's not funny)
But if I was wealthy (and had lots of money)
I'd still love them, well, the
Corn at least
Well, on second thought
They don't taste so great
In fact, I despise them
Now I criticize them, Woah

I guess this was pointless
All of it lies
Now hand over your burger
I don't want any fries
Potatoes are vile

Go get me a steak,
Some chicken and pork
And be quick about it
I can't do without it, No

I also have a page about Erasure and other commercial music that I like here.

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