The Ultimate (Clean) Yo Mama List
collected and compiled by clysm
Part 1: Fat
Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, her picture fell off the wall.
Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.
Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."
Yo mama's so fat, she even orders "Thank you, come again."
Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners they said, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, when she talks to herself, it's a long-distance call.
Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance.
Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.
Yo mama's so fat, the post office gave her 2 zip codes.
Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-no-it's-coming-toward-us!
Yo mama's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
Yo mama's so fat, her shadow weighs 2 pounds.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came and said, "Hey, break it up."
Yo mama's so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said Hd.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to get a tan and the sun burned out.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes on a picnic in the mountains, bears hide their food.
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to take a bath at Sea World.
Yo mama's so fat, when she back up, she beep.
[sic]
Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mama's so fat, her navel gets home 10 minutes before she does.
Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down than standing up.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get back up.
Yo mama's so fat, when she puts her hand on her hip, she looks like a gallon of milk.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "One at a time, please."
Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "To be continued...."
Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "Please step out of the car."
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress, kids yell "Kool-Aid!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach, Greenpeace tried to drag her back into the ocean.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks across the room, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, no one else gets a tan.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button's got an echo.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint; it has sweaters.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses Route 66 for a Slip'n'Slide.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to change "one size fits all" to "one size fits most."
Yo mama's so fat, you have to take three steps to see all of her.
Yo mama's so fat, she made Weight Watchers go blind.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I didn't laugh but the stairs cracked up.
Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances at a concert, the whole band skips.
Yo mama's so fat, she needs a sock for each toe.
Yo mama's so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets her toenails painted at an auto body shop.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born on August 6, 7, and 8.
Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have a forehead; she has a fivehead.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
Yo mama's so fat, she left the house wearing high heels and came home wearing flip-flops.
Yo mama's so fat, she put on a sheet for Halloween and went as Antarctica.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was lost they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for her picture.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to shake someone's hand, she has to give directions.
Yo mama's so fat, the stripes on her pajamas never end.
Part 2: Stupid
Yo mama's so stupid, she spent twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of the 3rd grade.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sat in a tree house because she wanted to be a branch manager.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stole a police car because she thought "911" meant Porsche.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sat on the TV & watched the couch.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she was taking you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a ruler by her pillow to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved.
Yo mama's so stupid, your house burned down because she couldn't find the "11" button to call 911.
Yo mama's so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she brought a towel to her carpool.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stole free bread.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama's so stupid, she failed a blood test.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said, "It's chilly outside," she ran into the kitchen to get a bowl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&Ms factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
Part 3: Ugly
Yo mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama's so ugly, her face is closed on weekends.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she gets up, the sun goes down.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to sneak up on bath water.
Yo mama's so ugly, her picture is on the inside of a roach motel.
Yo mama's so ugly, she'd make a train take a dirt road.
Yo mama's so ugly, instead of having her own 900 number, she has her own 911 number.
Yo mama's so ugly, when I took her to a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.
Yo mama's so ugly, when I took her to the zoo, the guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back."
Yo mama's so ugly, people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
Yo mama's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama's so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Yo mama's so ugly, she scares away blind kids.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't come back.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped her mama.
Yo mama's so ugly, the doctor's still slapping her.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she leaned over to hear, "snap, crackle, pop," all she heard was "Aargh! Get us out of here!"
Yo mama's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
Yo mama's so ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she passes by a bathroom all the toilets flush.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Yo mama's so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
Yo mama's so ugly, her parents fed her with a slingshot.
Part 4: Old
Yo mama's so old, her birth certificate expired.
Yo mama's so old, I told her to act her age and she died.
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 23.
Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama's so old, Moses is in her high school yearbook.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was only sick.
Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Yoda.
Yo mama's so old, when she was a child, rainbows were black and white.
Yo mama's so old, she went to an antique store and they wouldn't let her leave.
Yo mama's so old, she forgot her purse on Noah's ark.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Part 5: Poor
Yo mama's so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says, "Ding!"
Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."
Yo mama's so poor, she has to eat a large pizza outside.
Yo mama's so poor, she has to go outside to change her mind.
Yo mama's so poor, she dropped a Kleenex and got wall-to-wall carpeting.
Yo mama's so poor, she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
Yo mama's so poor, your TV has 2 channels: "on" and "off."
Yo mama's so poor, they put her picture on the food stamp.
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Yo mama's so poor, a tornado hit your house and did $10,000 in improvements.
Yo mama's so poor, her front and back doors are on the same hinge.
Yo mama's so poor, ducks throw bread at her.
Part 6: Short
Yo mama's so short, she poses for trophies.
Yo mama's so short, she can do backflips under the bed.
Yo mama's so short, she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama's so short, you can see her feet in her driver's license picture.
Yo mama's so short, she has to cuff her underwear.
Yo mama's so short, she doesn't roll dice; she pushes them.
Yo mama's so short, she ties her shoelaces standing up.
Yo mama's so short, when she sneezes, her head hits the floor.
Yo mama's so short, she's a teller at a piggy bank.
Part 7: Skinny
Yo mama's so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared.
Yo mama's so skinny, she got her ear pierced and died.
Yo mama's so skinny, she has to wear a belt with spandex.
Yo mama's so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes.
Yo mama's so skinny, I put a dime on her head and people mistook her for a nail.
Yo mama's so skinny, she has to wear skis in the shower.
Yo mama's so skinny, her pants have one belt loop.
Yo mama's so skinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
Yo mama's so skinny, when I slapped her I got a paper cut.
Yo mama's so skinny, if she stands by a wall she looks like a crack.
Yo mama's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
Part 8: Odor
Yo mama smells so bad, she made Speed Stick slow down.
Yo mama smells so bad, she made Right Guard turn left.
Yo mama smells so bad, Secret told on her.
Yo mama smells so bad, Sure is confused.
Yo mama smells so bad, a car wash can't clean her.
Yo mama's breath is so bad, when she yawns her teeth duck.
Yo mama's breath is so bad, people on the phone hang up.
Yo mama's breath is so bad, she needs prescription-strength Tic-Tacs.
Yo mama's breath is so bad, her toothbrush prays every night.
Part 9: Bald
Yo mama's so bald, her hair looks like stitches.
Yo mama's so bald, she uses rice for curlers.
Yo mama's so bald, when she showers she gets brainwashed.
Yo mama's so bald, I can see what's on her mind.
Yo mama's so bald, a wig doesn't help.
Part 10: "Yo mama's got..."
...a wooden leg with a kickstand.
...a wooden leg with branches.
...a wooden leg with a real foot.
...two wooden legs... and one is backward.
...a glass leg full of Kool-aid.
...an afro with a chin strap.
...a $4 weave and don't know when to leave.
...a bald head with a part and sideburns.
...a metal afro with rusty sideburns.
...a wooden afro with an "x" carved in the back.
...green hair and thinks she's a tree.
...a wooden head.
...a leather wig with suede sideburns.
...more weave than a dog in traffic.
...snakeskin teeth.
...so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
...teeth so rotten they look like dice.
...teeth so yellow when she smiles she slows down traffic.
...teeth so yellow when she closes her mouth her stomach lights up.
...teeth so yellow the sun needs glasses.
...a glass eye with a goldfish in it.
...so many rolls of fat she has to screw on her pants.
...three teeth, one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
...11 fingers, all on the same hand.
...4 eyes and 2 pairs of sunglasses.
...no ears and is trying on sunglasses.
...a forehead so big you can show slides on it.
...feet so big, her sneakers need license plates.
...a mouth so big, she talks in surround sound.
...a head so big, it shows up on radar.
...a head so big, she don't have dreams, she has movies.
...a head so big, she has to step into her shirt.
...a head so big, when she tries to tie her shoes she flips over.
...such an ugly car, someone broke in just to steal The Club.
...one toe and one knee and her name is "Tony."
...one leg and her name is "Eileen."
...a nose so big she makes Pinocchio look like a cat.
Part 11: Miscellaneous
Yo mama has one leg and talking about, "You can lean on me."
Yo mama has no fingers and talking about she's gonna press charges.
Yo mama has one ear and talking about she wants to hear both sides of the story.
Yo mama has no legs and talking about she's running things.
Yo mama has no legs and talking about she's going to run for president.
Yo mama's in a wheelchair and talking about, "You ain't pushin' me 'round no more."
Yo mama's so bad, when she got called for jury duty, she was found guilty.
Yo mama talks on the phone so much, it's busy even when I dial the wrong number.